Fives Cafe

Walking into Fives cafe I was curious, how would a greasy spoon in Abercynon compare to the finest greasy spoons?
Upon entering the cafe I was put at ease, a portly builder was tucking into his breakfast and I was greeted by a fine woman who allowed me to sit anywhere. I sat in a private corner by a broken object (what this was heck knows) to observe my surroundings

Immediately I looked upon the fruity tablecloth - plastic (perfect), all clean but with a certain grippy (not sticky big difference) texture. The walls adorned in memorabilia and big checks for fundraisers - who knew that a greasy spoon would be so charitable?

And charitable they were! When the lady provided me the menu I could not believe the low prices! Never in all my life have I seen such value!

The older gentleman who took my order was a lovely man full of jokes and chatty spirit.

Now for the main course of the review - the food! It was a sight to behold - school dinner style sausages, a nice round plate (no stupid square plates), mountains of toast and bread (not either / or as some places have), beans, bacon and black pudding. The black pudding was a slight down however overall a mountain of delicious food. A great venue at reasonable prices consisting at the below for myself and my co-eater:

~ 2 big breakfasts (2 sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, mushrooms, beans / tomatoes, 2 full slices of toast, 2 full slices of bread (almost a loaf between us) and a tea / coffee
~ complimentary sauces
~ extra slice of fried bread
~ 1 can of diet coke

~ £10.75. Banging

To conclude the review give the following:
Price - 5* amazing!
Quality - 4* - slightly let down with the black pudding but overall top notch
Value for money - 5* - amazing value
Environment - 4.5* not a classic greasy spoon in all aspects but had some charming items within and plastic tablecloths are always an additional 0.5*

Overall 5*

Had an amazing breakfast so large and so cheap, fab service.

Excellent food, excellent service and the atmosphere of an excellent valleys cafe. Well done

Was nice and reasonably priced food. The inside though could do with a tidy up though

Me and my husband regularly visit this cafe for a morning milky coffee. Sometimes i have ordered scrambled eggs on toast and a portion of mushrooms absolutely gorgeous. Today I had a take away Beef Sunday lunch. I was not disappointed. It cost £4.99 for a large. Everything on my plate was home cooked it consisted of a roastie, a Yorkshire (home cooked) generous portions of mash, cabbage , peas, carrots and gravy. Four slices of beef which was one of the best tasting i have ever had. I can definitely recommend this cafe. The staff are brilliant and make you feel so welcome so glad we found this cafe. Will definitely have another 👍

I actually can’t believe this place is still open. The food was okay, but that’s about it. It all started when I entered the cafe. On the floor to the right of the walkway, was the cafes supply of granulated sugar, along with several loose and packaged cans. They were just left there for everyone to walk past and kick dirt onto, which brings me to my next point. I know this is a bog standard cafe, but there is no excuse for the carpet to actually be this dirty. I was actually shocked at how dirty the carpet was and grimy. Leaving the carpet this dirty is bad enough, but then leaving food products on the floor for the moisture to soak through the bottom of the bags of sugar etc. I though was not right at all. After being seated, we were placing our order and I found the older gentleman there to be extremely rude and arrogant. There were several times when he spoke to us with hostility and I found it uncalled for. I looked around and was shocked at how dirty everything looked, with thick grease on all appliances in the kitchen, which can be seen by customers from the seating area. Finally, I was served a hot chocolate, which was served in a mug with severe chipping and cracking near where you drink from. The cracks were filled with a black grimy substance and I can’t understand how hard it is to replace a broken mug. The glasses looked like they had been rinsed not washed and the only COVID measures were some small screens between each table.

Terrible experience and I can’t believe they have been allowed to stay open, let alone receive a 3 hygiene rating

Don’t waste your money here when jellyfish cafe is clean and friendly and is just up the road.

Avoid at all costs!

Great service, lovely cooked breakfast and toasted teacake. Tea and coffee and all for £6.50. can't fault it!

Lovely freshly home-cooked style food, it could just do with a bit of a face lift.